Shane Claiborne is changing my life...and he doesn't even know me!

The Irresistible Revolution - Shane Claiborne. It's changing my life...

People used to think I was cool.  In grad school I would do yoga, drink green tea, and talk about religion. I'd read interesting books, talk about documentaries; I flew to Japan one spring break...it was a time in my life that I felt really solid. Things were going well. And I think the whole reason things were going so great was because I was really connected...spiritually. I was desperately trying to become my most authentic self. Whatever that means...

Then I graduated, got a job, married a wonderful man, got a dog (not in that order...) and suddenly life became really mundane. I resented having to work so much, got tired and was lazy when I came home, couldn't muster up any energy to save my life. I was in a serious rut. 

Luckily, I'm working my way out of said rut and I'll tell you, it's beautiful. First, it's nice to connect with family and friends...I don't know where I lost sight of the importance of relationships, but there's nothing better than the feeling of reconnecting. I've still got a lot to do, but I'm proud to spend my time that way. Also, it feels good to be climbing back out of my head. That rut was dangerous! Maybe that rut was depression; I'm not quite sure. Regardless, I'm glad I'm going in a better direction now. It's like somebody took Windex and cleared the film away (that "someone, was God and his miraculous grace, of course). Everything's prettier (still frigidly cold...hahaha, but prettier). I appreciate having the time to be thankful for all of God's blessings. I spent a lot of time frustrated, angry, sad, etc. These days, each new day is an exercise in humbling myself. And while growing pains can hurt, it's been a good hurt, ya know? 

Anyhow, back to The Irresistible Revolution. My friend Liz (who, clearly, is cosmically connected to me for all eternity, as we continuously...seven years and counting...go through similar things at similar times in our lives) recommended this book to me a few weeks ago. That was the same phone conversation that led to me giving up television, trying to spend money in intentional ways, etc. So, I get it from the library (feeling even more chic for not buying the book...how egotistical am I?!) and start reading it and WOW. Thank you for the recommendation, Ms. Liz. This book has come into my life at a most perfect time. As Andy and I have found a church that we adore, and a place where we are touched by the spirit of God every week, I've really really REALLY been craving my own spiritual revival. Or rather, I've been IN my own spiritual revival and then comes an irresistible book. 

For a long time, I've struggled with Christianity, because, I love God, my savior is Jesus Christ, but I've seen the cruel world that can go on inside the "Christian Church". Hypocrisy; mixed up priorities; etc. I've always wanted to experience a different kind of "Christianity". One where I could follow God and not feel...like a cheater/liar/fraud. For a long time I combatted this by saying "my faith is deeply personal. I'll keep to myself and will still be able to love God". However, the more I learn about the Scriptures, and Jesus' life (yes...the more I learn NOW, because I'm not sure where my brain was when I spent 4 years in the religious studies department at BSU...) the more and more and more I hear that God called us to be in fellowship with one another. I can't be a hermit and live God's will. I can't pull my head and arms and legs back into my shell and hope for the best. I've gotta get OUT THERE. "Out there" had always been a seriously terrifying phrase for me. I'm an introvert...ask the MBTI I just took a few weeks ago. People make me nervous. I never know what to say. I don't think I'm interesting enough to contribute to conversations. Maybe they don't like my clothes or my hair or my attitude, or whatever. So I've been struggling to find a way to be in fellowship with others while maintaining consciousness. At the same time, I've been yearning for a way to extend my faith and spiritual growth. 

Then comes Ms. Liz and Mr. Claiborne. I'm not even finished with the book yet (heck, I'm not even 100 pages in!) and I'm more inspired than I have been in years. Of course, I'm not going to run off and join a commune or anything, but through this book God is so graciously reminding me that there's an entire world out there, and many many people in it, who need to be shown the love of Jesus. 

So, what can I do? I'm not sure yet. But I'm going to try to figure it out. I can't call up Mother Theresa like Shane did, but I'm sure there's amazing opportunities right here in CF. 

The change in my life has been dramatic. Heck, a few years ago...even a few MONTHS ago, I wouldn't have been able to write the things I have in this very blog. If my family ever reads this, they'll probably think I've gone off the deep end. Maybe they'll want to go to...?! I'm so thankful for God's amazing grace. 

I'm hoping this blog will organize itself into something less random, but, until then, thanks to those who trudge through the ramblings...

So far...so manageable...

Giving up television has been interesting. Who knew I had SO MUCH time on my hands? haha. Let me clarify, first. I have watched some television since deciding to detox myself. However, if I watch something now, it's very intentional (e.g. 30 minute meals; the news). At first, I thought I should give up television completely and only watch movies, which I also consider a very intentional choice (not movies that randomly come on TV, but you know, my Netflix subscription...). But then I realized, calm down and stop being so rigid.  No one is going to "punish me" if I "slip up". And was does that even mean, considering I was the one who decided to give up TV? ha. However, the whole thing has been a truly liberating experience. I've had the opportunity to do great things with the extra time, like exercise, read scripture, journal, read books for leisure, listen to music, and just be quiet. That is definitely something I have been missing. I remember all of the time I spent in graduate school, just laying on my couch, watching the curtains blow. Now, of course, I wasn't being productive in those minutes, but I was allowing myself to detach from the rush of life. And I must say, it was always so very refreshing. Once Andy walked into my life, that exercise in quietness was forgotten, as Andy happens to be the type that needs background noise. So, as I've embarked on this journey of little to no television, I've reconnected with that thing that I loved to do so much...just...be. It's really lovely.

Along with my TV hiatus, Andy and I have both agreed that we want to be more intentional with our money. Or, perhaps I should just say intentional, leaving out the "more", as we are both VERY good and spending when we sure don't need anything. It has been really eye-opening, just in the few weeks we've committed to this. And I must admit, it's usually me who throws the towel in too early when it comes to practicing good stewardship with $$, so I've been really proud of both of us. We're utilizing our meal plans every day and just plain refusing to buy stuff.  I feel quite spoiled talking about using a meal plan, as I know that we've been blessed so graciously while people all around us are sometimes making the choice between food and the bills. I'm thankful that we have recognized the blessings God has given us, because I think it helps us to remember those around us, and the situations that others are in. By simply remembering others, we can pray for, reach out to, serve, etc.  Praise God for humbling our hearts by showing us the tough, tough stuff others are dealing with each day! So...anyhow, Andy and I have been quite amazed at how much $$ we were throwing away to restaurants every week. We basically have two great restaurants right here on campus, in the form of nationally recognized dining centers, where we can choose from LOTS of great food, and it's all free! I'm ashamed to say it has taken us so long to realize how spoiled we were to think that we deserved to be eating out all the time, but again, I'm glad God has humbled us!

What I think is so funny (and fun) about consciously trying to not spend money is discovering how good we were at rationalizing spending before. Example, today, Andy and I are at Walmart (getting my oil changed (I was two thousand miles over...) and air put into the tires, because free air at any gas station is out of commission, given the subzero temps) when I remembered that we could really use another (key word, "another") humidifer for our bedroom. Two weeks ago, we would have put it on my credit card and enjoyed yet another luxury. Today, I said to Andy, "you know what, instead of spending $25, let's just move the other humidifer we already have (which, by the way, was provided in our apartment for FREE) into our bedroom at night." Andy said "I like where your head's at...". I laughed out loud in Walmart and headed back to the auto department to pay and get outta there. It was such a perfect example of how we're trying to break the conditioning we've developed in ourselves to think that we "need" something, when really we just "want" something. Exploring the differences between those two things is so important, and again, I'm thankful for God's grace in leading us down this direction (with the help of Liz, who God is working through day in and day out). The whole ordeal is quite empowering.  And, it's getting really fun. It's beginning to feel like a game for me, figuring out ways to not have to buy stuff. Of course, don't expect to see me going to any true extremes, but it is nice to know that we're trying to be good stewards of the gifts God has given us!

In other news, Andy started the semester last week and I think he's enjoying his classes. He's certainly anxious and ready to be done with school, but knowing that there is now a light at the end of the tunnel (he's scheduled to graduate December of this year) has provided him with enough motivation to push through. You go, babe!

The semester is of course off and running for me, as usual. Spring is busy in the ResLife world, but it should make the time pass quickly.  I'm ready for the beautiful, snow free, slower pace of summer.

My last piece for now is the reminder that God has a mysterious way of working. I'm always so amazed at how full my heart feels each Sunday after church. Seeking the face of God is so rewarding! And oh, how God provides! Today our minister read a puritan prayer that included the request to "be content in all things". Now, these words aren't special on their own, but, as I've struggled for so long to always anticipate/be anxious for, or about, the "next thing", this phrase really hit home with me.  It's the way I want to live every moment of my life, and it's the way I SHOULD live every moment of my life, because God has provided and will continue to provide for all of my needs. There's no reason to be anything other than "content in all things". 

Also, I had to laugh, because one of the songs we sang this morning was called "I'd Rather Have Jesus". It immediately made me think of our recent efforts to spend $$ more intentionally and reminded me that my first desire/priority should always be to follow God. The lyrics are below:

I’d rather have Jesus than silver or gold;
I’d rather be His than have riches untold;
I’d rather have Jesus than houses or lands;
I’d rather be led by His nail-pierced hand
Than to be the king of a vast domain,
Or be held in sin’s dread sway;
I’d rather have Jesus than anything
This world affords today.
I’d rather have Jesus than men’s applause;
I’d rather be faithful to His dear cause;
I’d rather have Jesus than worldwide fame;
I’d rather be true to His holy name
He’s fairer than lilies of rarest bloom;
He’s sweeter than honey from out the comb;
He’s all that my hungering spirit needs;
I’d rather have Jesus and let Him lead

Easy words and a tough road to choose, huh?

Metamorphosis...

So, I keep telling Andy that I've updated "our blog" and he keeps asking "why do we have a blog?". So, this blog may experience a metamorphosis into a hybrid of Ashleigh and Andy's/just Ashleigh's blog. haha. We'll see.

So, I had a WONDERFUL conversation with my great friend Liz yesterday. Andy laughs every time we talk on the phone, because we're guaranteed at least 1.5-2 hours of conversation :-). Anyhoo, Liz is in the middle of changing her life in some pretty significant ways, all of which I'm very interested in. She's given up TV; she's spending her money in intentional ways...etc. Anyhoo, I won't give out all her secrets, but our conversation Saturday sparked a revival in me!

I was especially interested in her hiatus from TV. Of course I immediately thought about my own life, and how much mindless television I watched. I thought back to last semester, when I spent so much time angry at myself for "not having enough time to do things". Then I realized that I had become quite attached to my television shows. And it's not like I'm watching National Geographic Channel or Discovery all of the time. No, instead, for the last year I have strategically planned my Mondays around "The Hills"...yes, folks, The Hills. Oh, and E! News. And any reality show on Bravo. And the only thing that ends up happening for me is that the show ends and I'm immediately envious of the gorgeous women, sad that I'll never have that liftstyle, and disgusted that I just spent 30 minutes - an hour watching nonsense.

So, I'm detoxing. I'm sure it will lead to a much better use of my time. We know for a fact that everyone has the exact same amount of time of their hands each day; so then why do some people get so much more work done?! Heck, just in the first evening of turning off the TV I was able to journal, read for leisure, read and reflect on scripture, spend time in prayer, call my mom and call my grandfather! Now, getting all of that accomplished was MUCH more satisfying than sitting on the couch watching men and women that live in a totally different reality than my own.

The other thing that Liz has so influenced me with is taking time to be more thankful. Thankful for all of the blessings God has given and continues to give me. When I stop to think about it, it really is amazing. And I know that, in this field, life can get pretty difficult, but so much of it is about an attitude adjustment. I know that spending more time thanking God for what he has given me is sure to lift my spirits!

So, I'm going to work on giving up television (sorry Liz, I'm totally copy-catting) and Andy and I will talk about intentional spending. I'll keep you posted!

There are some smiles!
Andy likes to take pictures when we're not ready...
I wasn't quite sure about holding Madelyn
Andy didn't know what to do...

We played lots of darts at Mom's
The artist and his creation. 
The beautiful yule log Trent made. You can eat that thing, people! And we did!
Christmas at Mom's
Mom's stellar Christmas tree

Andy, Maxwell, and Spike (in his ugly Christmas sweater)
Aubrei, Dan, and Maxwell
That pile of snow is a result of the storm that came the Thursday before we left. NONE of that snow was there on Thursday afternoon!
The wonderful RA staff I work with!
Crowe Christmas in Iowa

1st Christmas as "The Crowes"...

Christmas and New Years was great! We made our great escape from Iowa on December 20 and didn't come back until January 3. We spent time at Dad's, Mom's, and Andy's family! We got more gifts than we know what to do with and got to see lots of family and friends! 

Andy and I are BOTH looking forward to the spring semester. Each semester I settle in a little bit more and each semester Andy gets closer to graduation! This semester will be very busy for the both of us, but we know it will be full of fun and blessings!

I'm not sure how many photos I have from our vacation, but I'll try to upload some in a few minutes. 

Happy 2009!