Disclaimer: If you continue reading, you may find yourself saying - that's too much information. We are talking about having a baby here, people. Continue at your own risk.
In November of 2008, after only five months of marriage, Andy and I decided we wanted to start a family. We knew it might be a long and trying journey, as I have PCOS, which can cause a lot of fertility issues. Shortly after trying on our own, my doctor suggested fertility treatments, which we began, but had no success with. We decided that God was telling us it wasn't the right time, so we took a break. Months later, we tried again, with the assistance of fertility treatments, but again saw no success. Again, we took a break. By this time, it had been nearly two years of trying to start a family and we wanted to take some of the pressure off of ourselves.
"Wait for the Lord; Be strong, and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the Lord." Psalm 27:14
When we moved to Terre Haute at the very end of 2010, we decided that the time was now right and were hopeful that God would allow us to experience the gift we had been praying for for nearly three years. After another year of trying without fertility treatments, we decided that it was time to think about other options. That decision led us to the Foster Care System, but that story is old news :-) (if it's not old news, go back and read some earlier blog posts.) Then, in July of this year, we again decided to pursue fertility treatments. In August, we received our first foster placement and suddenly had three children living with us. Talk about interesting timing! In November I again visited my doctor after months of not conceiving and we discussed the next option in fertility treatments. Andy and I decided that we would try one more month with our current approach and then, after Christmas, we'd consider more options.
Though I was starting to get mildly excited in January, I tried to hold back. After four years of trying to have a baby and because my PCOS can easily cause long or missed cycles, you might be able to imagine the number of pregnancy tests I've been through, always receiving a negative result. But, at the urging of my sister, I tested a few days earlier than I had told myself I would and would you know, I got a positive test! Of course, I couldn't believe my eyes. It was 5:30 in the morning, so my eyes weren't working very well anyway and Andy was working already so the only people with me (the little ones) weren't going to be an option for verifying the test. I looked at the test, said "oh my God, oh my God" walked into the living room smiling, saying "oh my God, oh my God" and then back to the bathroom to see the test again, repeating the same phrase over and over again. Luckily, got gave me the ability to get on with it and I continued through our normal morning routine. Once C was on the bus to school, I took a moment to sneak in to our bedroom to show Andy the test. I was so proud of myself for not spilling our news to him the second he walked in the door. His first reaction was "what does that mean?!" to which I replied "it means we call the doctor to get a confirmation test done." So before heading to work that morning, I called the doctor's office (from their parking lot) to see if I could come in for a test. A couple of hours later, they called with the news that the blood test was positive. After saying another round of "oh my God" to the nurse and disclosing to a total stranger that we had been waiting on this call for four years and reassuring her that I was happy and not scared or upset, I called Andy. This was probably 11 a.m.
Now, the plan, which we had discussed multiple times, was that we would tell immediate family first and then wait to tell other friends and family until we had heard the heartbeat. So I called Andy at 11 a.m. and by 11:03 a.m., everyone he worked with knew. He blamed it on the fact that he cried like a baby when I told him the news, but I still don't know if I buy it :-)
You have put more joy and rejoicing in my heart than when their
wheat and new wine have yielded abundantly. Psalm 4:7
Despite being overjoyed, I continually fought fears for five weeks leading up to our first ultrasound appointment. Though I'm not a pessimist, I do struggle with always thinking of the worst scenario before taking time to imagine the best situations. Plus, I've had many dear friends experience miscarriage and was terrified. So I didn't let myself get too excited and waiting, very impatiently, for yesterday to arrive. Once I saw the screen and heard the heartbeat, everything changed. It was so amazing to see, at just 10 weeks, the form of a little baby, moving around like crazy, its hands, and feet, and even little face on the screen. The technician let us hear the heartbeat right away and then towards the end, I asked if we could hear it again! She said of course and it was just as beautiful the second time as the first. Andy asked if we could hear it a third time so he could record it on his phone, but of course he was denied that request (count on Andy to ask questions that most people won't dare to ask.)
The whole thing is still very surreal. When we were in the doctor's office, I told our doctor that I couldn't believe we were there talking about a pregnancy, considering we had just been there a few months prior talking about the next step in fertility treatments! Despite praying for this child for four years, hoping, wishing, pleading for the opportunity to become parents, now that it has finally happened, I can't wrap my head around it. Though it definitely feels more real, I still can't phathom the miracle God has given us.
We're due in late September, just ten weeks after Aubrei and Dan (Yes! For those of you who know the Weddle Sisters, we are in fact pregnant with our first babies at the same time!!!) and are really looking forward to everything this year has to offer. Luckily for me, my sister gets to go throw labor and delivery before me (something I know she would prefer to be the other way around) so I'm thankful for that! Also, as usual, I'm wanting to soak up as much information as possible, so for anyone out there who likes to share, feel free to pass along all the good information you have about everything related to babies.
There's no doubt that God has been shaping and sharpening us for this very moment and though at the time it was excruciating to wait and discouraging to think this opportunity would never come, God has given us the most amazing gift we could ever ask for and had surely given us the desire of our hearts!
"Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:4
Until the next post!
"Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you who belong to Christ Jesus." 1 Thessalonians 5:18
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